It Finally Hit Me

If you asked me a month ago if I was ready to go back to work, I would have shamefully said yes. I would then explain that as much as I love Mateo, I also love my job and income. I would then tell you that my days are so busy and I long for adult conversation. Then you would reassure me I am not a bad mother for wanting to go back to work. That was a month ago. Now I am not so sure.

This past weekend it hit me that its not that I don't want to go back to work, it's that I will never get this time again with Mateo. It makes me sad that our time together is coming to an end. 

I know I know, I chose to be a teacher so I would have Christmas, Spring Break and Summer with my kids. And that is true. This was why I chose this profession. 

I guess I just didn't consider the fact that it wasn't returning to work that was the hard part, it will be leaving Mateo. And not on a daily basis, I can leave my kid. Don't mistake me for one of "those" moms. It's just sad to think that a year has passed in what feels like a blink of an eye. 

A year ago at this time I was shovelling goldfish, lindor chocolate and sunrype fruit candies in my mouth, while peaking over the side rail at the most beautiful baby. Yes I am one of those moms who believe their newborn is/was beautiful.

If only this year had gone as slow as the 9 months I was pregnant! Even better the 2 weeks I was over due.

As I look back on this year, I realize I am incredibly blessed, not just because I have a perfect little man but because I have a wonderful husband, loving family and amazing friends. I always had someone to send pictures of mateos every move, to gossip with, to brag to, live vicariously through and most of all to turn to for reassurance that it was/is ok that Mateo co/sleeps!